Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
