he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
