Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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