How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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