dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
