ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize