i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
