Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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