i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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