yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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