I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
