Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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