so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
