I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love having hate sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
