I'm passing your future prison.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
