I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
