sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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