im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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