He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I will pee on everything he values.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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