Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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