K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
