Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
