i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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