I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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