Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize