I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
