i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
