I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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