what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
