I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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