Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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