i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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