Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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