The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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