Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
