Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
