She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
