he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
