sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
