you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
