so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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