and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You took a bar mat shot.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
