So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
