And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
