I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
