this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
