How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
