y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
now i know why i became what i already was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
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