you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
