ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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