I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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