We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You pole danced in your parka.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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