I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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