Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
