Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
