I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
