sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize