Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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