Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
