dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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