Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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