9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
