OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
