and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
