so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
