when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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