I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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