Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
