All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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