i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize