Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
