My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
