i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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