Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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