a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Two words: blizzard sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
