Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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