she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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