we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize