you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
