My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize