OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
