she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
