winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
