I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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