Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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