the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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