I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
