Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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