You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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