I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
