i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am one with the molecules
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
