Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
