Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
