so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
