Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
