oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
