Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
