everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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