So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize