Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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