I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
