What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
